I have made this mistake numerous times in my life, and so my writing this is part confessional, part cautionary tale, and part curative.
I must confess that there have been times in my life where I have compared myself to others. I am probably not alone in this but there is something freeing and liberating about acknowledging the fact and admitting it, at least to myself.
Although much has been written about the dangers of this practice, there is still something in me that seeks to compare my accomplishments and accolades against those of others. One thing I have noticed is when I compare myself to others, I am often left feeling inadequate. These feelings are exasperated by the fact that because of social media everyone appears to be living in a glass bowl. Where memories are captured and shared in episodic fashion given the impression of lives that in many instances are not reflective of the totality of a person’s life. In a real sense, we are provided snapshots of the highlights and this creates the perception of a reality that in many instances are not accurate. And yet, too often I find myself falling into the habit of comparisons.
Perhaps it is innate to all humans but for me, I find it a debilitating practice. Especially since I know intuitively that no one is alike.
And no two experiences are alike.
And no set of circumstances are similar. I know that in many instances what it took to achieve what I perceive to be that level of success or significance was earned in the crucible of sacrifice, struggle, and, suffering.
And yet, too often I find myself falling into the habit of comparisons.
My caution to you is to reject this tendency toward comparing yourself with anyone other than who you were on yesterday, the day before, or even last week. You see, the truth of the matter is if we are going to compare ourselves it should be against the person we have declared we want to be. And our time and energy should be spent on maximizing our fullest potential. It is a waste of time and energy—both physical and emotional to compare ourselves against someone else.
One of the ways I accomplish this is when I find myself falling into that comparison trap, I intentionally “fast” from social media. In those seasons where I find myself drawn into that black hole, I will deliberately and intentionally turn off all my notifications and take a social media break. This practice allows me to find myself again. It allows me to focus on what I am doing and reconnect with who I am. It affords me the opportunity to “center” myself and realign myself with what is most important to me and to my life’s work. It is a reset of sorts. It provides me an opportunity to celebrate the life I am living and the person I am becoming.
After all, isn’t that what is most important, comparably speaking?
Paul D. Flowers, Sr. 